July 14, 2006, 10:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

i wanna be hostile but i couldn’t bring myself to give in to that feeling. it kinda sux . because i’m starting to warm up to the people i’m going to be working with. the irony of everything, just when i start feeling comfortable around them, we all had to go our separate ways. we were assigned to different shifts and different accounts..

i hate feeling. i hate having to feel. because it only gives me even more dissapointment.

but as always, being me, i am optimistic. i can survive alone in the office.. i’m just hoping i still have friends outside of that office. ready to listen to me…

friends who would understand what its like to not have friends anywhere. friends who would talk to you. who would be there. or just smile. it makes me happy to see my friends smile.

i realised that i am not a loner, i like being surrounded by people, i like talking, but not to as many people. crowds scare me. but going out with a few friends, makes me feel good. one friend at a time, or maybe two or three.. anything more than that, i get uncomfortable. group becomes too big to pay attention to. and when i pay attention, i make sure i pay full attention. because i know how it feels like when you think that the person you talk to isn’t really interested in what you’re saying or isn’t interested in making you uderstand what they’re saying. it hurts. it makes you feel unimportant, unloved. but when you see that they’re actually paying attention to you and your needs, its like dying and going to heaven, or what i’d imagine heaven to be.

i just got home from the office and i had a lot of coffee. i can’t sleep so i’d end up blabbering nonsense again. but hey, its why i blog. so i can vent my frustrations when i’m frustrated. so i can express happiness when i am happy. and to release the rage that builds up inside of me.

i may not be the smartest person alive but i know that everyone needs someone to talk to. someone to listen to. but i cannot expect those people to be there for me 24/7 because they, too, have their own lives. so i have this. somehow, i no longer feel alone. because i know you are reading this. whoever you are. thank you for paying attention.

oh what will i do now, with all this time?


1 Comment so far
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just like ive told you… i will always be here… if for sometime… you called and i didnt response…. come to me… perhaps…. i should be the one who need comfort…. i should be the one who need someone to talk to and to have someone whom gonna be there for me if i need to drink a bottle of beer.

Comment by kamatarichan

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