you and i both
June 30, 2006, 8:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

” loved~ What you and I spoke of.. And others just read of… Others only read of the love, the love that I love..”

just how important are words? if something was said aloud, does it make it true? if something was left unsaid.. does it make it.. UNtrue?

the past years.. i regret having said nothing.. having suppressed my emotions.. being too cynical. too stern.. too cool. no.. COLD. its no mystery that i fell in love. and i still am in love. but i never really embraced that fact. because love is a concept i never really understood. i believed my family loved me.. they fed me, sheltered me, clothed me, and educated me.. so far, that what love is to me. meeting the physical needs of the entity you claim to love. then i fell in love with a boy. he showed me the emotional side of it. i have never been this close to a human before. i have never been held like this by a human before. i have never spoke to a human like this before. no human has ever even tried to be this close to me. and actually said the words that would eventually mean the world to me. “i love you” words never really meant as much, so i was not one to express my feelings. and i was never really attuned to my feelings. all i know is that i want to keep this boy safe from harm, keep him happy, and keep him alive. that’s how i knew i love him. having grown up with fairy tales, i belived in a one true love. so i figured maybe its this one for me. but i wasn’t expecting anything, until the boy proposed marriage.. a couple of times.. and i was an idiot to refuse each and every single proposal. but i do not regret it. don’t i? at least i’d want to think so. the boy left me. found someone else.. then got broken. threw away his heart.. yet i still love him. but, now i remain friends with the boy.. who is now a man. and as for me. i’m working on my life. i got a new job and i intend to keep it. i’ll grow up someday. sooner than everyone thinks. and when i do, i’ll finally get the courage to show the boy how i really feel. show him.. and the world.. that no matter what happens to both of us. i remain his and his alone. all this time i have been refusing the advances of other men. and will continue to do so until i am back where i belong. a place in the world.

“and i’m almost finally finally out of words~”

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2 Comments so far
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sometimes failure is a way of saying what our mistakes are. and since you do know your mistakes… do something to it…

way back then… with this boy… you can’t express what you really feel for him… its your defense mechanism, you were holding back… after you let patch up your life… go to a place that you called “home”… and this time… “let it all out”…. don’t hold back.. so you wouldnt have any regrets….

for now… please pull yourself together… i know… this boy… he want to pull yourself together…

you may not be the same person before… but you will always be my friend… no matter what.

Comment by kamatarichan

your such a foolish person! your being pessimistic…

how could you told me not to die or not to go far away if you yourself go away!!!

for god’s sake! if you really want to be with him then ARRANGE YOUR LIFE… AND JUST GO WITH HIM!!!!

i want to help you… but all my help… will be a waste if you can’t help yourself!!!

now…. now i know why he left you… your such a coward!!! you cant face your problem… you cant handle your problem instead your problem’s been eating you up!! your personality, your courage, your pride!! your weak!!! and forever will be weak if you stay like that!!!

Comment by kamatarichan




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