i have recently recieved good news. my dsl applica…
May 12, 2006, 10:55 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

i have recently recieved good news. my dsl application is on the move. i’m up for scheduling already… i’m hoping some time this coming week i’d get my long wanted connection.

as always.. no matter how the world tries to knock me down. i will always get up. i will not fuck up my life just because some guy left me alone for another woman… just because he said he’s questing for knowledge and all that shit. and asks me to grow a backbone so when he goes back to me we’d both be better people. fuck.. i can’t wait that long.. sure as hell he can’t 2 weeks after breaking up with me he already has a new girlfriend. that’s pathetic. he’s going to end up like his father. with a lot of women. and a blazing trail of pain. of course he will never admit it. he’s gonna act all tough and cool.

guess what i already have a backbone. he’s just too chicken shit to admit that he’s just like his dad. can’t survive without a woman to “love”.

respect for myself.. i am now demanding people to respect me. i am commanding them to respect me. i am a force of nature. the wings of life and death. the harbinger of the wild’s wrath. i am order and chaos. i am a woman. more than that, i am katrina. no one knows who i am. only i have the answer to that question. and only time can tell me what i have become and what i will become. more than destiny, i am making my own. i will find ways for myself to go back to who i really am. it will be hard, considering i am living in a superficial world. and i am motivated by different things. torture is not a form of motivation, not for me. i’m not sadistic/masochistic. i do not believe that inflicting pain will give me results i wanted. no matter how harsh that may seem. although i work best when under pressure, i’d rather not when i have the chance. right now. i’m taking that chance. i cannot rot myself here imprisoned in my own laziness here at home. where my body is comfortable. i cannot be comfortable. it makes me more lazy. i have to be kept at my toes. always under pressure. its where i shine the most. when i am in a hurry.. when my head hurts with migraine. when i am being pushed to my limits.

but no… i don’t smoke weed. i can’t. i don’t smoke. i don’t drink liquor as well.. i’d rather not get drunk again. its for people who do not have the courage to commit suicide under traditional means. not that i do have the courage to commit suicide. i just have too many reasons not to. and i’m happy because its enough to keep me alive. sometimes i wish i were dead.. but when those images come to mind. i am at peace with myself. i will not kill myself. i will not let other people kill me. i will not die. especially not of heart ailments/ high blood pressure/ diabetes/ or other fat related diseases. i may develop ulcers… but i will not die of fat. i’d rather die of stupidity or accidents.. but not of fat. i will not let it kill me.


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